Memememememeeee

I guess I don't always consciously think about who I am as a person. Last semester identity was a big part of the curriculum but I don't remember being asked to explain the person I am so straightforwardly. To me I want to say my past is kind of a mystery in a sense. My parents are really young and I remember being raised by my grandmother. I remember begging my grandparents for toys and depending on them for caring for me. Yeah my parents were there but I just don't recall them being so involved. My mother says the opposite. But I wanna stick to my own memories and thoughts. Although my grandparents were the ones that raised me I feel like I gained values from everyone around me. My family all dropped out of school, which gave me that determination to finish school and exceed in everything I do. I moved with my parents when I was twelve and felt that they couldn't provide for me and weren't even that involved. Maybe because they weren't really involved in the first place. At the age I was able to get a job I started to depend on no one but myself. I feel that I can have a lot of pride. I hate asking for anything because I do not want to get let down. My boyfriend gives me a lot of support but I don't like asking him for anything. It's not anyone else's job to take care of me. It's my job. It has always been my job and I learned how to deal with it throughout the years. I am a very sensitive person. From sappy movies to seeing other people dealing with hardships, I try to put myself in their shoes and i get quite emotional. It's also hard for me to say no. Even when a person isn't treating me fairly. I usually keep it to myself but it is extremely hard to keep my emotions inside. I can never hold my tears back. So if there's something that bothers me. I cry. Mad, sad, disappointed and even happiness is usually expressed with tears. I hate that. I am also a worrier. I worry about everything. I stress about a lot. And lately I've been trying not too because it doesn't do any good. I procrastinate but I can't go to places without doing the things I am supposed to do. Not only because I do not want to disappoint the instructor but I also do not like being judged and I feel unaccomplished. I may try to act like i don't care about how I look on the outside but I kind of do. I dress up by the way I'm feeling but I usually think about what I'm wearing. So isn't that kind of worrying about how I look? at times I don't care but most of the time I do. I do not want to give people a bad image of me. Like my family and parents friends, I like to look and act my best because I like to be remembered as the fun, cute, cool chick. Well that was when I actually went out with my parents. Now with my boyfriend it's just kind of like keeping up with myself since I still want to impress him. Which makes me think about when I am doing my research. How should I dress or act? Would I be judged? I am hoping I can find some really easygoing people. I still have the image that the people in that area are hardcore not so nice people. Why does that description of people stay on my mind? When thinking of humboldt park I think of puerto ricans that go to Clemente and hate people that are not like them. I know that's not the case at all. I just remember going to Clemente high school one day to support my highschool. I was with a friend who went to Clemente and she had my back. Someone in the school asked what school am I rooting for cause they've never seen me around and I told them. Clemente is not a fan of lane tech. And I hope they still don't have that same thinking. Will I be judged because of the school I go to or what I am associated with? With they not cooperate with me because they'll get the idea that I think I am better than them? Which I really don't because who am I to judge? I know I'm not perfect...